Victories of Ommission

Goal setting, achieving, and making progress are all closely tied to our concept of victory. It's often what you don't do that's just as important. I would call those successes "Victories of Omission."

Don't eat it. One of the most direct examples of a victory of omission is "Don't eat it." As proponents of local food, fresh food, healthy food we know, and promote to our guests, that they should be mindful of what they eat. Our cider doughnut machines might be a glaring example of how we don't wish them to consider it all the time they are in our establishments, but otherwise, we advocate healthy choices.

We also know that "Don't eat it" is a victory of self-control. "A moment on the lips, forever on the hips" is an old saying so exaggerated in America that we have a show called the "Biggest Loser" in which many of the contestants' starting weights exceeded 400lbs! If you "Don't eat it" you don't have to burn it off later with Jillian screaming at you.

Don't say it. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will permanently scar me." How many times have we caused anguish by "saying it"? What a victory of omission to control our tongues! How many times have you had to waste your precious time and energy trying to fix a relationship you wrecked with thoughtless words? How much energy lost to the world for the other person, too?

"Don't say it" only comes with time and patient practice thinking for a split second how your words will be received and reacted to. Just give yourself a glimpse into the future. If that future looks like a world of pain with a whopping a waste of time repairing the damage you are about to do. Adjust your words. Keep your eyes on the prize, the big picture. Think about the difference between the split second it takes to change your words and the hours, days, or forever it might take to fix the relationship. Occasionally, "Don't say it" and you'll save yourself a lot of time and heartache.

Don't do it. Lots of victories come from "Don't do it." Don't drink and rive. Don't borrow that money. Don't fly off the handle. Don't surf on the back of a pick-up truck. Don't buy that business. Don't take on another project. It sounds pretty negative doesn't it?

One of the guides to living a simpler life is the joy of learning to say "No." We're all over committed, time-crunched. Our kids are over-scheduled. Work bleeds into life. Work is life. Just another dollar. Chasin' that paper. (That was just for you gangsta rap fans.) Learn to, allow yourself to, say "No."

Janine and I have said "No" to over scheduling the kids. The peer pressure is on, but our 6 & 9 year old kids don't need more than 1-2 activities each in any given season. I have (finally) learned to say "No" to expansion for expansion's sake and (lightly) curbed my attraction building habit. I have said "No" to two boards and two committees already this year, and dropped another one. You too can set these limits in your life - because it's YOUR life!

Need some specific language? Here's my last committee request "No.":

I really appreciate that you thought of me for this committee, but I must respectfully decline the opportunity. While I believe in what you're doing / stand for / are advocating I would be doing the cause / group a disservice by saying I would join / be a part of the group / cause. My current commitments and this new one would all suffer as I couldn't dedicate myself fully toward it. I know you want people to be fully committed, and I just can't do that for the group / cause / board right now. Thank you so much for asking. I am honored you thought of me.

You can do it. You can say "No." Better you do it now, than get kicked off later for poor attendance at the meetings you knew you could never make. (I've had that happen, too.)

We often forget that we are nearly completely in control of our own lives. We're swept away in a sea of activity, peer pressure, and implied obligations foisted upon us by others. In the end the foist-ers don't have to live with you - YOU do and your spouse/significant other does, too. While every obligation, opportunity, item, attraction, invention, deal, and activity might indeed be good, it just may not be good for you.

So,
"Don't eat it." It's so much easier to not put it in your body, than it is to burn it off.
"Don't say it." You're not really that mad anyway and you don't have time to repair the broken-ness you are about to cause.
and
"Don't do it." Learn to live simply and simply say "No". The world doesn't have to live with you, YOU do.

Victories are not all goal setting, achieving and making progress. There are very important victories to be won by omission.

Have a great week.
-Hugh

 

Find Hugh McPherson, The Maze Master:
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